Archive by Author

Father’s Day

18 Jun

In short, this is not a happy day for me. My own father was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive, when he was around, which wasn’t that much. He was committed to “make a man out of” me in the years he was around. You can imagine how well that turned out.

When I finally came out, and started living as my true self, he disappeared completely from my life. I have not heard from him at all in over seven years. He knows how to reach me if he wanted. His current wife is on Facebook, and I also have a cousin on his side who is occasionally in touch.

And as for the fact that I have children of my own? They also dropped out of my life. We were in touch up until about a year after my social transition. Since then, nothing. My daughter didn’t even see fit to tell me when she gave birth. Twice. About the time I transitioned, their mother was whispering in their ears that I was abusive during our failed marriage, and that was the reason for her mental illness.

So, no one is offering me gifts, or well wishes, on this day of celebrating fathers. And before you ask, no one did so on Mother’s Day either. I have made a family of choice. That’s sufficient for me now.

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Seven Years

9 Jun

Yesterday was the seventh anniversary of Barbara’s passing. I noted the date with no fanfare, no tears, no breakdown. As I write this, I’m coming to realize that maybe, just maybe, I am recovering. I am far from fully recovered, of course. I truly believe that one never fully recovers from the unexpected loss of a loved one, particularly one you considered to be your “soul-mate”.

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Truer words were never spoken. Today, the scar tissue is stronger than the wound. It could still tear wide open tomorrow, or the next day. There will always be a risk of that wound being torn asunder.

Six months ago, or “A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime?”

1 Feb

I wrote this on a different site about 6 1/2 years ago. I had reason to look it up last night, thanks to a conversation with a friend online. Without further ado, my thoughts on a “reason, a season, or a lifetime” and how it applied to my late wife Barbara.


June 8. Six months ago. And I am still here, and slowly getting better. I wonder still if I will ever be better. Or is grief, like life, a journey with only one way out? Will I grieve the rest of m…

Source: Six months ago, or “A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime?”

Carnations for Mother’s Day

6 May

I was out running a few errands today. Stopped in my local grocery to get a few items for tonight’s dinner. At checkout, the bagger handed me and my roommate each a yellow carnation, and wished us a Happy Mother’s Day. That felt so good.

Unfortunately, it came at the end of two hours of errands. As I’ve noted before, driving for any significant period of time tends to trigger my MPS (myofascial pain syndrome). Yeah, it’s flaring. Back pain is not fun.

I Had an Orthopaedic Appointment Today

4 May

I am just home from my first orthopaedic appointment. My primary care doctor referred me because some of my pain, in her opinion, seemed more likely to be from a pinched nerve, or something of that nature, than fibromyalgia. The pain in question is in the upper back, is of a burning nature, and is to some degree touch sensitive. Continue reading

My Experience with TSA

14 Apr

As I mentioned previously, I recently flew through Atlanta Hartsfield (ATL) to O’Hare (ORD), and back. I didn’t have any difficulty at either airport. I was presenting full femme, with ID that didn’t agree with my presentation. I didn’t even get a side glance. Both times, due possibly to my wheelchair use, I was directed to the full body scanner. Given the cold weather in Chicago at the time, I was wearing leggings under my skirt. I had to have a pat down of my lower legs, both times, possibly because of how the leggings appeared on the scanner. That was administered by a female agent, without any need for me to specifically request such.
Continue reading

Aside

Ma’am

23 Mar

Salesman just came to door trying to sell carpet cleaning. Even though I almost certainly have 5 o’clock shadow, he opens with “How are you doing ma’am?” 😀   So I guess this day is not totally fired.

BTW: All wood floors here.

Traveling While Trans and Disabled

22 Mar

As I’ve mentioned here, I am traveling to Chicago next weekend, to attend the Trans 100 Live Event. This will be my first time flying in a significant number of years. Enough years that both traveling while trans, and traveling disabled are new to me. As I am prone to do, I have been actively researching what to expect at the TSA Checkpoints.

Continue reading

Aside

Roommates

22 Mar

Well, as predicted, the possible third roommate flaked. The good news is that we had a waiting list for space, and we have moved on. A couple have decided to take our remaining room. Looking forward to their arrival the first weekend of April!

F*&% Fibro

20 Mar

Fuck fibro.

All I did today was pickup an Rx and get some keys made. Drove 10 minutes each way to take roommate to train station and pick her up again. Basically, nothing.

It hurts so bad, and has for several hours now. I’m really worried it’s progressing so fast.

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