Archive | June, 2017

Father’s Day

18 Jun

In short, this is not a happy day for me. My own father was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive, when he was around, which wasn’t that much. He was committed to “make a man out of” me in the years he was around. You can imagine how well that turned out.

When I finally came out, and started living as my true self, he disappeared completely from my life. I have not heard from him at all in over seven years. He knows how to reach me if he wanted. His current wife is on Facebook, and I also have a cousin on his side who is occasionally in touch.

And as for the fact that I have children of my own? They also dropped out of my life. We were in touch up until about a year after my social transition. Since then, nothing. My daughter didn’t even see fit to tell me when she gave birth. Twice. About the time I transitioned, their mother was whispering in their ears that I was abusive during our failed marriage, and that was the reason for her mental illness.

So, no one is offering me gifts, or well wishes, on this day of celebrating fathers. And before you ask, no one did so on Mother’s Day either. I have made a family of choice. That’s sufficient for me now.

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Seven Years

9 Jun

Yesterday was the seventh anniversary of Barbara’s passing. I noted the date with no fanfare, no tears, no breakdown. As I write this, I’m coming to realize that maybe, just maybe, I am recovering. I am far from fully recovered, of course. I truly believe that one never fully recovers from the unexpected loss of a loved one, particularly one you considered to be your “soul-mate”.

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Truer words were never spoken. Today, the scar tissue is stronger than the wound. It could still tear wide open tomorrow, or the next day. There will always be a risk of that wound being torn asunder.

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