Shared without further comment.
The test: http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php
If you received this email, I am sharing it with you because you are important to me, and need to understand where I am, and what is going on with me. I addressed this to my male persona so that you would know for certain it was really from me. I believe you all already know this about me, but for anyone shocked by this email, please accept my apology. This is not anything new, it is not any sort of grief reaction, nor am I losing my mind. I have been wrestling with this for years, even before I ever knew Barbara. She knew all about this, and completely accepted it.
Barbara not only encouraged me to pursue a better understanding of this part of me, she had been working on her own issues with being seen as part of a lesbian couple. For when we went out and about in the final months she could do so, I usually went out as Janet. We were affectionate in public, and were seen as a lesbian couple. She loved me enough to deal with all that brought about.
The main page of the site is, of course, http://transsexual.org/. Some of the pages on the site, are to say the least, a bit over the top, but the test is illuminating to say the least. Take the test yourself. Doing so may tell you something about me, or perhaps even yourself. Another particularly interesting page to me, is this one – http://transsexual.org/cherish.html. Many of you likely have some awareness of the central theme of that page, but you may not have thought of it quite that way.
I haven’t read every page on the site, nor will I likely do so immediately. So if you see something there that puzzles you, or seems inconsistent with the “me” you know, and hopefully love, ask me about it. Refer me to the specific page, and I’ll read it and give you my thoughts.
If you received this, and you think your significant other perhaps did not, that’s because I simply don’t know the SO in question well enough. You are free to share this with them, and ask for their input, as you process this. Do so if you feel they can handle it. Otherwise, this is a private conversation between the two of us, and I would prefer it stay that way. While I spend much of my time en femme, as it were, in the real world, I still have to be male in many parts of my life. Some parts of my life would be seriously imperiled if the duality of my nature became known in those circles.
Will I pursue full transition? I am not certain. I’m not getting any younger, my health could be better, and I’m not overflowing with spare money for the costly operations involved. Would I, if I didn’t have those issues? Yes, I believe I would. I am in therapy, both for grief and gender dysphoria, and nothing is going to happen tomorrow, for certain.
FYI: My test results are attached, and yes, I tried to be as honest as I could with my answers. Some though, had no exact fit, so I just selected “best fit” and went from there. I shared the results with my therapist too.
Oh, and one last thing I have to share with you, because it addresses some of the more common linguistic questions that arise from being who I am.
Thanks for your time, and your love.
Namaste, and Blessed Be
Janet Anne Logan (née