An email to close friends

26 Dec

Shared without further comment.

The test: http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php

If you received this email, I am sharing it with you because you are important to me, and need to understand where I am, and what is going on with me. I addressed this to my male persona so that you would know for certain it was really from me. I believe you all already know this about me, but for anyone shocked by this email, please accept my apology. This is not anything new, it is not any sort of grief reaction, nor am I losing my mind. I have been wrestling with this for years, even before I ever knew Barbara. She knew all about this, and completely accepted it.

Barbara not only encouraged me to pursue a better understanding of this part of me, she had been working on her own issues with being seen as part of a lesbian couple. For when we went out and about in the final months she could do so, I usually went out as Janet. We were affectionate in public, and were seen as a lesbian couple. She loved me enough to deal with all that brought about.

The main page of the site is, of course, http://transsexual.org/. Some of the pages on the site, are to say the least, a bit over the top, but the test is illuminating to say the least. Take the test yourself. Doing so may tell you something about me, or perhaps even yourself. Another particularly interesting page to me, is this one – http://transsexual.org/cherish.html. Many of you likely have some awareness of the central theme of that page, but you may not have thought of it quite that way.

I haven’t read every page on the site, nor will I likely do so immediately. So if you see something there that puzzles you, or seems inconsistent with the “me” you know, and hopefully love, ask me about it. Refer me to the specific page, and I’ll read it and give you my thoughts.

If you received this, and you think your significant other perhaps did not, that’s because I simply don’t know the SO in question well enough. You are free to share this with them, and ask for their input, as you process this. Do so if you feel they can handle it. Otherwise, this is a private conversation between the two of us, and I would prefer it stay that way. While I spend much of my time en femme, as it were, in the real world, I still have to be male in many parts of my life. Some parts of my life would be seriously imperiled if the duality of my nature became known in those circles.

Will I pursue full transition? I am not certain. I’m not getting any younger, my health could be better, and I’m not overflowing with spare money for the costly operations involved. Would I, if I didn’t have those issues? Yes, I believe I would. I am in therapy, both for grief and gender dysphoria, and nothing is going to happen tomorrow, for certain.

FYI: My test results are attached, and yes, I tried to be as honest as I could with my answers. Some though, had no exact fit, so I just selected “best fit” and went from there. I shared the results with my therapist too.

Oh, and one last thing I have to share with you, because it addresses some of the more common linguistic questions that arise from being who I am.

Really Awesome Trans Glossary – Google Docs

Thanks for your time, and your love.
Namaste, and Blessed Be
Janet Anne Logan (née [redacted])

The COGIATI results

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6 Responses to “An email to close friends”

  1. Joy December 26, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    * Applause * Wonderfully done sister. Welcome.

    • janetannelogan December 26, 2010 at 5:17 pm #

      Thank you, Joy dear. Your approval means a bunch to me. You’ve dealt with this before me, so in some ways, you are like the big sister I never had.

      Love to you and yours.

  2. Janet Logan December 28, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    People keep telling me numeric scores, so I am adding the translation from number to text for my own indemnification:

    Assess the score from this table:

    Score: -650 to -389, COGIATI classification ONE, STANDARD MALE
    Score: -390 to -129, COGIATI classification TWO, FEMININE MALE
    Score: -130 to +129, COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE
    Score: +130 to +389,COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL
    Score: +390 to +650, COGIATI classification FIVE, TRANSSEXUAL

  3. Zoe Brain December 29, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    COGIATI has one diagnostic use only:

    If you get a very feminine score, does that please you?

    If you get a slightly masculine score, does that disappoint you?

    Do you find yourself wanting to go back, and change some of your answers to get a higher score?

    If yes… then that’s a better test of your gender than any number from the test.

    I wish you well. I think a full transition is more likely than not for you, but everyone’s different. You’re not alone, no matter what path you decide is right for you. You’re the only one who gets to vote on that.

    • Janet Logan December 29, 2010 at 11:14 am #

      Thanks for your comment, and your well wishes. And in answer to your questions, Yes, probably, and yes.

    • Janet Logan December 29, 2010 at 11:19 am #

      Oh, and I realize that COGIATI is not solid science. The author freely admits same.

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