I haven’t written much …

20 Jun

I had such big plans for this blog. Then life, or should I say death, got in the way. Almost two weeks ago, I lost the one true love of my life. She had been fighting a long term illness, and finally could fight no more. Since then, I have struggled with whether to say anything here. Since I am not out, I fear that saying too much will give away my dual identity. No I am not Superwoman, and I don’t think I could deal with what would come if I was outed on top of everything else.

My children know, and accept me, as do her children, and much of my family of choice. It’s the employer, and the rest of her family, that don’t know. I don’t think either ever will. I can’t afford any of the costs of full transition as it is. I certainly couldn’t if I joined the ranks of the unemployable trans women.

Even with her illness, it was from her that I got the strength to be who I am. She loved me regardless, and supported me unconditionally. She was a beautiful soul, and I will always miss her. I have lost my center. I am lost.

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2 Responses to “I haven’t written much …”

  1. Jessica Sideways June 20, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    Wow, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish you healing in your time of sorrow.

    • janetannedivers June 20, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

      Thank you Jessica. It’s so hard. I already had so much to deal with, and now this too?

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